Each year, right before New Year’s Eve, we count down the most bizarre headlines for the year. The year 2020 was so weird and crazy that it was very difficult to limit the number to 20, but we did our best and here they are!
#20 | Goat and kiwi fruit test positive for COVID-19
Tanzania President John Magufuli cast doubt on the country’s coronavirus testing process after he allegedly submitted secret samples from invalid subjects, including a goat and a papaya (yes, the fruit), that came back as “positive” for the virus.
Magufuli, who has rightfully downplayed the threat of the coronavirus, claimed that he put human names and ages on several samples taken from non-human subjects. He says the lab came back with positive test results for a papaya, a quail and a goat — three things that have never been linked to the virus in the past.
This is more proof that the PCR test is total crap.
#19 | Elon Musk names his baby “X Æ A-12”
Elon Musk and singer Grimes named their baby “X Æ A-12.” Musk and his girlfriend later offered an explanation to her followers on social media.
What does the name mean?
When Musk, known to joke on Twitter, announced the name, many people questioned whether he was being serious. However, Canadian singer Grimes, real name Claire Boucher, explained the name’s meaning to her fans.
You can’t make this stuff up, folks!
#18 | NY Governor Cuomo receives International Emmy Award for COVID “leadership”
Speaking of stuff you just can’t make up…. In November, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, the lying sack of filth, received an Emmy for just doing his job holding daily COVID-19 briefings.
In his virtual acceptance speech, the governor acted as if he had just been given the Nobel Peace Prize as opposed to a token Hollywood “feel-good” award.
Cuomo was praised as “the nation’s governor” and “the epitome of New York tough” even though as many as 11,000 people died from the coronavirus New York’s nursing homes. Cuomo’s decision to send elderly COVID-19 patients back into nursing homes was blamed for the deaths of thousands of other elderly New York residents. Cuomo has said nothing about it.
“I assume Cuomo’s Emmy is for his starring role as ‘Dr. Death’ in the fatal nursing-home horror show,” US Rep. Elise Stefanik, a Republican from upstate New York, told The New York Post.
“I assume his staff also wins an Emmy for Best Set Design for their paper mache mountain of death,” the congresswoman added, referring to Cuomo’s bizarre press conference in June in which he unveiled a giant foam-model representation of the state’s COVID-19 curve.
Alongside the Emmy, Cuomo has cashed in on the pandemic with a book titled American Crisis: Lessons in Leadership.
#17 | Man who died in motorcycle crash counted as COVID-19 death
A man who died in a motorcycle crash was counted as a COVID-19 death in Florida, according to a report from FOX 35 Orlando.
Doubling down on the COVID “cause” of death, Orange County Health Officer Dr. Raul Pino told FOX 35 that one “could actually argue that it could have been the COVID-19 that caused him to crash.”
Ummm…. Yeah…. Right….
The death was later reclassified as a non-COVID death.
#16 | Despite skipping animal testing for COVID vaccine, V.P. Pence claims “We’re cutting no corners”
Despite the fact that COVID vaccine manufacturers have skipped normal animal testing, according to Vice President Pence, “We’re cutting no corners. The American people can be very confident… that we’ll drive toward a safe and effective vaccine.”
In a related story, photos released by the paparazzi show Rowdy Roddy Piper (with and without his “They Live” glasses) reacting to V.P. Pence being vaccinated for COVID-19. (Yes, this is a spoof)
#15 | McDonald’s sells “Spam burger” with cookie crumbs in China
BEIJING (AP) — McDonald’s is selling a sandwich made of Spam topped with crushed Oreo cookies Monday in China in an attention-grabbing move that has raised eyebrows.
The sandwich is made of two slices of Spam and Oreo cookies, topped with mayonnaise.
HERE IS THE LOCATION OF THE ANIMATED GIF: https://thumbs.gfycat.com/AdorableAromaticBlackrussianterrier-size_restricted.gif
#14 | Toilet Paper Apocalypse!
We will all remember the “Great Toilet Paper Caper of 2020” won’t we? Back in March, images of empty shelves and shopping carts piled high with supplies inundated news reports and social feeds. People saw images of panic buyers, then assumed there’s a reason to panic and start panic buying.
And so on… and so on… and so on…
Remember: panic buying begets panic buying.
#13 | Florida man drives truck into bar to get Dr. Pepper
Police say Gavin Lee, 28, crashed his Ford F-250 through the front doors of the Re-Rack Bar in Panama City on Friday when it was closed. Apparently, Lee had attempted to go to the bar earlier in the morning, but it was closed. When he returned and the bar was still closed, Lee rammed his truck through the front glass.
After getting inside, Lee grabbed a Dr. Pepper from the cooler and sat at a table while drinking the soda. Lee was found with a handgun in his pocket, leading police to charge him with armed robbery.
Question: Wouldn’t it have been easier to break into a vending machine?
#12 | Coin removed from man’s nose after being stuck for more than 50 years
A man has finally had a coin removed from his nose after it was stuck for more than half a century. The 59-year-old unnamed Russian man was aged just six when he wedged the money into his right nostril. He was ‘too scared’ to tell his ‘strict’ mother about it and then later ‘forgot,’ local media reported. The man apparently managed to live for the next fifty years unimpeded by the blockage until recently started complaining he could not breath at all in his right nostril. He went to hospital and was given a scan which showed the unexpected object in the nasal passage.
Rhinoliths – stones in the nasal cavity – had formed around the coin, constricting his ability to breathe. Medics carried out endoscopic surgery under general anesthetic, removing the stones and retrieving the Soviet one kopek coin from his nose after 53 years. The money – officially worth around one penny at the time – ceased to be used in Russia after the USSR’s collapse in 1991 and the hammer and sickle emblem was no longer visible on the coin. Specialist otorhinolaryngologist Elena Nepryakhina said: “We operated on Friday and he was discharged on Monday. He has regained full nasal breathing.”
#11 | Pentagon casually releases photos of UFOs
The Pentagon released three short videos in late April, showing “unidentified aerial phenomena,” or possible UFOs, that were previously released by a private company. The video shows UFOs rapidly moving while being recorded by infrared cameras.
According to a CNN report, the videos were released by The Pentagon “in order to clear up any misconceptions by the public on whether or not the footage that has been circulating was real, or whether or not there is more to the videos.”
In reality, all the videos did was cause more misconceptions and confusion.
#10 | Study of 10 MILLION shows NO asymptomatic spread of COVID – but CDC still recommends masks for everyone.
A mass screening program of more than 10 million residents of Wuhan, China, has identified 300 asymptomatic cases of COVID-19, none of which was infectious.
Translation: Healthy people (including those who may have COVID but have no symptoms) do NOT spread COVID.
Despite the study, and despite the fact that the WARNING on the box of ear loop masks which states that masks do not protect against transmission of COVID-19, the CDC still recommends that everyone, including healthy people, wear a mask.
#9 | Monoliths were erected across the world
Mysterious monoliths were erected and then removed in Utah, Romania, California and even San Antonio. But who was behind it? That’s what officials are still trying to figure out.
In this Nov. 27, 2020, file photo, provided by Terrance Siemon, is a monolith that was placed in a red-rock desert in an undisclosed location in San Juan County southeastern Utah. Days after the arrival and swift disappearance of two shining metal monoliths spotted half a world away from each other, another towering structure has popped up, this time at the pinnacle of a trail in Southern California. Its straight sides and height appear similar to one discovered in the Utah desert and another that was found in Romania.
The first monolith appeared Nov. 23 in Utah’s red-rock desert. Days later, it quickly vanished with no trace of who was responsible for placing it or removing it. Soon after, another monolith was found in northern Romania on top of a hill.
Another monolith appeared and then was quickly removed at the Pine Mountain trail in Atascadero Park, which is located halfway between San Francisco and Los Angeles. There was even one found in San Antonio on the North Side near the San Antonio International Airport. It’s still unclear if these structures were related to one another and what their significance was.
#8 | Toothbrush removed from man’s stomach after he swallowed it while brushing
A bloodied toothbrush had to be removed from a man’s stomach after he swallowed it while cleaning the back of his throat. Doctors removed the 19cm-long brush within 24 hours, fearing that leaving it any longer could have been fatal. The patient, 39, whose name has been withheld, was brushing his teeth on September 15 when it slipped. He rushed to a nearby health clinic, which quickly referred him to a hospital more than 100km away.
An X-ray and further tests couldn’t locate the brush in the man’s throat – leading doctors to conclude it was in his stomach. A minor operation was performed a short time later and the brush was removed.
#7 | Steaming river of black sludge floods through Arizona
According to the U.S. Geological Survey, fires can change the way rainwater flows over land. Under normal circumstances, most dirt is capable of sucking up a lot of water, which keeps flash floods from happening every time it rains. But after a wildfire, the land is no longer able to absorb as much water. And even minor rains can trigger flash floods filled with debris.
According to KGUN 9, a local news station, this recent debris flow seems to have originated with the Bighorn Fire, which has burned about 120,000 acres (485 square kilometers) in the area.
Who had this on their 2020 hellscape bingo card? pic.twitter.com/fUNvIVS7aw
— Official Pima County (@pimaarizona) July 16, 2020
#6 | Anthony Fauci tells children that he personally vaccinated Santa Claus
According to Lord Fauci: “I took a trip up there to the North Pole; I went there and I vaccinated Santa Claus myself. I measured his level of immunity, and he is good to go.”
I don’t think Lord Fauci is telling the truth about giving Santa a shot. He would have to go through Canada to get to the North Pole. I doubt if he was permitted to cross the border. He’d have to be quarantined at least two weeks.
While we’re on the subject of Lord Fauci …
#5 | “Christmas Eve” changed to “Dr. Anthony S. Fauci Day”
To recognize his flip-flopping and flat-out lies about masking, social distancing, herd immunity, and his overall trampling on human rights, the mayor of Washington D.C. declared that Christmas Eve is no longer Christmas Eve, but now it’s “Dr. Anthony S. Fauci Day” in D.C.
Excuse me… but proclaiming Christmas Eve, the night before we celebrate the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ (who is the “Light” and the “Truth” and our only “Hope”) as “Dr. Anthony S. Fauci Day,” because, and I quote, “Dr. Fauci has been a shining light in dark times for the nation, promoting truth over fear and giving Americans hope in the government…” doesn’t that sound a bit… blasphemous?
But I guess what do you expect from a pagan witch like Bowser?
You can’t make this stuff up, folks!
#4 | 75-year-old man dies two hours after receiving Pfizer COVID-19 Vaccination
Earlier this month, a 75-year-old man from Beit She’an (a city in the Northern District of Israel) died of a heart attack about two hours after being vaccinated for COVID-19, the Health Ministry reported. According to a spokesperson, the death had nothing to do with the vaccine, but was a mere “coincidence” and that “there may be unfortunate cases. One should not infer from this about the safety of the vaccine.”
So, let me get this straight … a man dies within 2 hours of being vaccinated, but we’re supposed to believe it was “coincidence” and not to worry about the “safety of the vaccine”? Really?
In a related story, Tennessee Nurse Tiffany Dover fainted on live television only 17 minutes after receiving the COVID-19 vaccine, right in the middle of her talk about why it was important for healthcare workers to receive it.
But don’t worry. Less than an hour later, an unnamed doctor at the hospital said the fainting episode had “nothing to do” with the Pfizer vaccine.
It’s truly amazing that within an hour of the fainting spell, the doctor had time to evaluate Tiffany’s brain scans (necessary to evaluate a neurological condition) and eliminate the vaccine as a possible cause of the fainting spell.
While it takes the typical doctor several hours and even days to accurately assess the cause of a neurological event, this doctor did it in mere minutes! Maybe we should call him “Super Doctor!” Maybe the doctor is “magic” or possibly a medical “fairy” that utilizes mystical pixie dust!
However, if the anonymous doctor’s prognosis isn’t good enough for you, rest assured that the COVID-19 vaccine is safe. The CDC also assures us that it was also a mere “coincidence.”
In another related story, on December 28th, the WHO’s chief scientist, Dr. Soumya Swaminathan, made a shocking statement! “At the moment I don’t believe we have the evidence of any of the vaccines to be confident that it’s going to prevent people from actually getting the infection and therefore being able to pass it on.”
#3 | Kentucky man uses flamethrower to clear snow from driveway
(UPI) A Kentucky man showed off his unusual method of clearing snow from his driveway with a video showing him using a flamethrower to remove the unwanted show.
Timothy Browning posted a video to Facebook showing him dressed as Cousin Eddie from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation while drinking beer and using a flamethrower to clear snow from his driveway.
Ty’s comment: I like this guy!
#2 | Spooky “Blood snow” invades Antarctic island
In February, the ice around Ukraine’s Vernadsky Research Base (located on Galindez Island, off the coast of Antarctica’s northernmost peninsula) was coated in what researchers called “raspberry snow.” Photos show the scene in full detail: streaks of red and pink slashing across the edges of glaciers and puddling on the frosty plains.
That blood (or “jam” as the researchers whimsically call it) is actually a type of red-pigmented algae called Chlamydomonas Chlamydomonas nivalis, which hides in snowfields and mountains worldwide. The algae thrive in freezing water and spend winters lying dormant in snow and ice; when summer comes and the snow melts, the algae bloom, spreading red, flower-like spores.
#1 | Man Who Has Been In Government For Nearly 50 Years Promises To Fix Government
According to sources at the DNC, Joe Biden, a man who has been part of the government since before Jaws, Star Wars, the Walkman, the NES, and the publishing of The Silmarillion, is just the man for the difficult task of fixing the government.
“This man who has been part of the broken system since 1972 is our last hope to fix the broken system,” said a DNC spokesperson. “See, since he’s been part of the problem for so long, only he knows how bad the problem is. So only he can fix it. If you got some outsider with, like, morals and stuff, they would be too horrified to even go to Washington in the first place.”
(Yes, we know this is a Babylon Bee story, but the underlying concept is 100% accurate)
OK, that concludes the top 20 “bizarro” stories of 2020.
Please don’t fret and don’t fear.
Truth will triumph and the lunatics will be defeated.
Please keep sharing the truth with your friends and family.
And please remember that CANCER DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A DEATH SENTENCE!
God Bless and Happy New Year,
– Ty and Charlene Bollinger
P.S. Remember, laughter is the best medicine! Thank God the U.S. government hasn’t tried to tax laughter… yet!